Nigerian entrepreneur, Akin Alabi, in an inspiring piece on his Twitter handle, has written how marriage is overrated and seen as the ultimate when it should actually be the least of our problems.
While decrying the rate at which many people prioritize marriage, Akin Alabi mentioned there are many more important things to achieve in life and marriage should only be the ‘icing’ on the cake after all the achievements have been grabbed.
Your friend graduates with a first class. You shrugged it off. She got a great job. You were neutral. She posted a holiday picture with her colleagues. You didn’t even take a second look. But when she got proposed to, you started jumping up and down excitedly.
For you, all the progress she made all these years are “normal”. This is the ultimate. She has found a husband. You now like every post. You comment congratulations and go girl on every picture. To you, that is the only thing that matters. She has a man and must hold him tight.
This is the kind of behavior and attitude that fuels patriarchy. Nigerian men know that for most women, their ultimate life ambition is getting married so they see themselves as gold. They see themselves as the vessel of happiness for women.
Many males do not know that because you have a penis, you don’t automatically become a man. Unfortunately, most women don’t agree. Any man is a man. Dirty, irresponsible, vile, violent… doesn’t matter. They say, at least I have a man.
I am not going to train my daughter to see marriage as the most important thing. I will let her value, health, education, career, finances and other things over marriage. Finding a good man as partner forever will be an icing for her and not the cake itself. She is the cake.
